Being a Sensitive Man

Chapter 8

Being a Sensitive Man

Most girls don't think that men are sensitive. Women want long romantic looks and "butterflies" in the stomach, candle-lit dinners, cards, and flowers. They want devotion, honesty, and attentiveness. The real problem is not that men aren't sensitive; we are. Its just in different areas than theirs. We prefer to discuss the sensitive issues of the World Series, the Super Bowl, work, cars, fishing, money problems, and, of course, girls. Women's sensitivities are in annoyingly different areas. They aren't practical like we are, so it causes problems. They don't seem to be satisfied when you go to work and provide for them, fix their cars, protect them, entertain them, and let them cook for you. That is a practical way of showing them that you care, but is it enough? Is it enough to buy them tickets to the ball game, to get their car lubed, to buy them a skillet, or vacuum cleaner bags? No! They want sensitivity. They want feminine sensitivity. But that isn't fair! We aren't girls. We're men! We like to slap each other on the back, snort real loud, spit, scratch ourselves, and yell at umpires. Girls want us to look longingly into their eyes and tell them how much they mean to us, how we love them, and that life without them is pointless. They want us to buy things for them that are romantic like, jewelry, or stuffed animals, not a flashlight or something useful like a wrench. Would you get jewelry, or stuffed animals for one of your guy friends? (If you would, then why are you reading this book?) No, you would buy them a hamburger or a beer. Why? Because it's all in the male bonding category.

But, back to planet earth.

There is a real disadvantage here for us. Since we use guy logic and they use girl logic, the girl logic wins out and we have to buy them jewelry, stuffed animals, and cards. But do they get us stuff we like? Do they get us baseball mitts, tires, lube grease, wrenches, and ball game tickets? Heck no! They get us mushy cards! They buy us stuffed animals! They even buy us jewelry! And if that isn't enough, they tell us how to dress, how to talk, how to eat, and then they start buying us designer shirts, pants, and shoes! What's so wrong with my jeans that I've been wearing for the past five years? I know you can see through them. But they're broken in. Why can't I wear the same sneakers out on the town that I shovel dog-poop in? Sheesh! Girls are sure difficult. We get along all right without them, don't we? But then, that brings up another issue. If we get along so well without them, why the heck do we bother trying to please them? It isn't logical. The only thing I can think of is that there is a plot women know about that we don't. Maybe they put something in our food, or put subliminal messages on T.V. that say, "Men need women." And so what if they look good? So what if they make us light headed when they saunter by. So what if we drive ourselves crazy trying to figure them out? Why do we do it?! I don't know. Maybe we're all crazy. Maybe they've done something to our brains. Maybe they put love drugs in our coffee. Heck. I can't figure it out. If you can, write me and tell me.

Anyway, a woman wants a sensitive man. She wants a guy who can think about her without wanting to jump her bones. She wants a guy who will open the car door for her and treat her like a lady and give her respect and independence. But, does she earn it like a guy does? No. She just wants you to give it to her...because she's a woman. Think about it. If a couple of guys are becoming friends, they develop mutual respect for each other based upon important guy kinds of things: the car they drive, the job they have, how much they bench press, are they good in sports, do they know good jokes, etc. etc. Guy respect is real easy. It happens because of what a guy does and what he has, real important stuff. But a girl doesn't think that way. She wants you to be sensitive enough to understand her, to treat her well, and not take advantage of her feminine vulnerabilities. Boy, is that asking a lot. Let me tell you, it can be pretty tough.

So what is the answer? Simple. Be sensitive. "Ahh," you say, "I tried that, but it didn't work."

Sensitivity is an art. Mostly it is the art of keeping your foot out of your mouth. But, you still have to take chances and if you don't you won't get anywhere.

First, when trying to be sensitive, don't think about what your guys friends would like, think about what a girl would like. Think about stuffed animals, cards, flowers, poems (yuk), candle-lit dinners, kittens, puppies, and long looks in each other's eyes. Don't think like a guy. Don't think practically because that will kill you every time.

Here's an example of a blunder I made with my wife when I bought her a birthday present. (A wife is a permanent girl friend, so the lesson still stands.) I made the serious mistake of thinking practically. I got her several nifty useful things: an egg timer, a water container for the refrigerator, a light for her key chain, and several other practical items that showed her I loved her and was trying to make things easier for her.

When she opened the first present she laughed and said, "Oh that's nice, a gag gift." I started sweating. Well as she discovered that more "practical" gifts were coming she produced a plastic smile and coupled it with, "Oh. How nice, a flashlight." Needless to say, I struck out.

Okay. So then came our anniversary. I remembered the humiliation I suffered at the unwrapping of the birthday presents and decided not to repeat the gift goof. I needed to think like a woman, not like a man. I said to myself, "What can I get that you can't use, isn't practical, is breakable, and costs a lot?" A revelation like light filled my mind. Engraved crystal glasses! I'd hate those as a gift. Heck, they'll be perfect for her.

I laid down some green, thought up a mushy something for the engraver to put on the glasses, and presented them to her via, a well wrapped box.

She opened the package slowly, I'm sure fearing a repeat of the same sort of "practical" birthday gifts, and once she saw the useless engraved glasses, she lit up in feminine delight, hugged me, and smothered me in kisses. I don't get the connection; I just know that buying a girl something useless and expensive makes her want to kiss you. Oh well, as long as it works.

So there you have it. Being practical is out. If you want to be sensitive then be illogical, emotional, and earn a lot of money to pay for it. Weren't things simpler when we could just hit them over the head with a club and drag to our caves? Dating is tough.