I will just start by saying that....God is so Good...He's SO good to ME! I grew up in a home that was always 'dysfunctional' as it is called. Mother and Father always fighting and when the tables got turned, we were in the middle. I was told to 'just leave, I don't want to even look at you'. I guess I was about ...10 or so when it happened the first time. My bags got packed and dad would take me somewhere and tell me that mom was really having a hard time and if he took me home, I would just have to stay away from her for a while. I could never understand because I was not a bad child!
Skipping some of the in between....I got accepted into college...David Lipscomb in Nashville. I just wanted a place to 'get away' from all the madness. Dad took me to college and I didn't see or hear from anyone for the first semester! I remember crying myself to sleep feeling all alone and just abandoned! I wanted someone...anyone...to love me unconditionally! I found a relationship w/ a girl that was a preachers daughter. I took her caring and attention as something more. We had a relationship for about 1-2 yrs.
God sent me to WA state to stay w/my aunt! It was a blessing!! She knew and she loved me all the same...never gave up on me...loved me and told me that God loved me too.
I enrolled in school in PA-Northeastern Christian Jr. College, for my second year. I was still in touch w/ Mary, but not that often. My student loan ran out and I had no place to go. I decided that I would go visit my mother and her new boyfriend. I came to St. Louis w/ full intention of going back to PA., but my student loan could not be guaranteed, so I opted to stay here. I met someone, another woman. She was older and alcoholic, abusive. It lasted 9 months....
I know that God sent me to St Louis for a reason!! I began to work at a Subway and a grocery store. I met a guy named Kevin! He knew all about me and we would stay late at subway and we would just talk and talk and talk!! He told me that everyone he ever dated would say, "You are like the brother i never had." We both just knew that we would get married one day!! It was strange, but we BOTH felt that!! I really know that God knew what He was doing!! HE sent me someone to love me for me. Who wouldn't throw me away. Who was there for good and for bad!
We have been married for 6 yrs. this last September. We have a very healthy church and 2 beautiful girls.....22mths and 5 yrs old. We know that we are blessed and that God is still not finished what he started. All those old 'feelings' are TOTALLY gone! I was able to give my testimony to the pastor and he read it before the church. I am not ashamed!! Look at what He has done in my life!! Look where He found me and how He has blessed me!! What do I have to be ashamed of? I know that He loves me w/ an everlasting love.
I just wanted you to know that God is SOOOO Good!! I just want you to know that He loves us SOOO much more than the world! His love is unconditional and lasting! He knows our hurts and our needs and if you are struggling....give it all to Him and he will be faithful to help you find a way out!!
God bless you!!
Tammy L. C.