My 26 years of life has been a roller coaster ride. It has had the highs and had the lows, I've gone through the tunnels of darkness, and been out in the light. But this I know: God has carried me through it all. I was raised in suburbia with my Father working, and my mother staying at home. It was an upper middle class neighborhood. But as you know, many times, things aren't what they seem. My childhood was fine. It consisted of Sundays in church, going to mass and I sang in the church choir or was the cantor (solo singer) for mass. My mother went to prayer meetings, and my father was a gentle, patient man.
But at 12, something changed. Our home was chaos. I lived 12 years, never witnessing not even one fight between my parents, so the horrific fights impacted me severely. I saw two people in my home that were strangers to me, as if someone had replaced the parents I loved with a different couple. Much abuse circulated in my home, from physical to emotional/mental.
When I turned 16, I got my drivers license, and I used it as an escape from the pressures of home. I think back now, and almost "wish" I had known better at the time, to spend more time at home to minister to my broken parents. My father died in June of 1990. He died of Cirrhosis of Liver due to alcoholism. I remember the day he died. He had been in a coma since 11pm the night before. I arrived at 9am to the local hospital's ICU to see my father lying there hooked up on all kinds of machines. A wave of peace washed over me, as if God lead me to say and do everything that day, mechanically. As soon as I walked into the tiny room, my father opened his eyes and said, "Hi, sweetie. How are you doing?" I thank my wondrous Father in heaven for that. All through that day, and until 4:45 a.m., when he passed on, I was by my father's side. The whole time, except the last hour, he spoke with me, and only acknowledged my presence in the room. He could not see or hear anyone else. God is so merciful and wonderful. I talked to my father about God. And he had accepted Jesus into his heart and cried out to God, before he died that day. I told my father that if he was weary, to just rest in his Father's arms and that my mother and I would be all right. These were not my words. I just gotta say, "Thank you Jesus, for never giving up on me, For always loving me, I love you, and Praise you, always."
After my father's death, I should have let God guide me to do right, and give in to His will. I became depressed. My mother's mood swings were even worse now after the death of my father. I felt trapped and suffocated. I tried to go out with my friends as much as possible to escape my mother. Little did I know that the things I had to escape were inside of me. Satan was using my weaknesses to get to me, and I allowed this, due to my neglected relationship with God. Sure I went to church, but that doesn't mean anything. I was dead inside. Dead to God the Father's glorious Truth. I have sinned much in my life. From sex, to lies, to smoking cigarettes and even smoking marijuana. Some of my unwise decisions have gotten me into more than a few rotten situations. Those decisions are the rotten fruit of living without the food of the soul....God's Everlasting Word.
My list of things that have gone wrong in my life is long and ragged. From lying, cheating, to surviving date rape, to having lived through a kidnapping, to having a child outside of marriage my senior yr of high school, to marrying a man later that wasn't a Christian, and having that marriage fail when I found out he sexually abused my oldest child (she was four!!!), to loosing my home and vehicle because that first husband was the one working, and I couldn't leave my traumatized girls who were 4 and 18 months to find a job, and winding up in a shelter, to meeting a man after that and having another child outside of marriage, to marrying that man and then getting into a car accident and being in a wheelchair, having internal bleeding, a brain injury. The list is so long and I have omitted much to shorten length!!! But I don't care about my past! As my Father doesn't care!!! Glory to God! Jesus died on the cross and shed his blood so that my sins may be forgiven! Praise God! My faith is so strong, and the Bible is so alive and God is so AWESOME!
- Ephesians 1:6,7 - To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
- 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
There aren't words to say how much I DO love God, my Father!!!!!!!
After the incidence of my first marriage, as I've said, I have met a wonderful man, my husband now. God is so good to me. Through every time that I may have not followed His Word, He was there, still loving me. And now that I have Jesus in my heart, I will NEVER let Him go. My husband loves my girls as his own. I have a precious boy, that my husband had from a previous relationship, ( my step son). And my husband and I have our 18 month old son. There are no STEPS in this family. We are a family that Praises God, and asks to only do His will!!! God is so good to us. I only want others to experience the joy that I have. The peace that comes only from having Christ in your heart. I will not say that it is all roses, because it is not. But I am truly thankful, my husband and I read the Bible. He is Catholic. I respect him, but he is learning so much in the Word of God, that I am sure that he will see where the truth lies. He has already become troubled about the contradictions with the Bible and his religion. He is able to see how God's love is always truthful by the way that I apply the Bible to my daily life, and I believe he will be won and not be able to turn from the truth of God and His plans for us. I just wanted to say that I live by this scripture and I praise God for it.
Philippinans 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank you for reading my testimony, and may the Peace of the Lord bless you always!!!
Your Sister in Christ Jesus,
Messenger of God