by Matt Slick
Defending the Christian faith can be a lonely undertaking. Some people praise my efforts to expose the theological errors and lies from the evil one that manifest themselves in cult theologies. Others, however, regard such disclosures with ill favor. This is to be expected. After all, uncovering false doctrines involves stepping on toes, and people are fond of their toes.
Instead of cogent arguments refuting my alleged errors, the responses I usually get amount to nothing more than a barrage of abuses, accusations, and attacks on my character. This is all fine and dandy except that the various insults are often poorly written, not very logical, lack imagination, and are riddled with various grammatical and spelling errors. Sometimes I cringe as I read the diatribes penned in poor writing--so much so that the full impact of the insult is lessened, sometimes even lost. So, in an effort to help the offended find a particularly appropriate and well-written retort and put-down, I offer these pre-developed insults for your viewing (insulting) pleasure.
You see, my insults are grammatically correct (I think) without spelling errors and are imaginative. They can even save you time. Instead of wrestling through the frustration of picking just the right words to hurl at me, you can peruse the list below and pick those which suit your mood and mental state. From intense vilifications to mild disagreements, my list provides a host of insults, slurs, vituperations, slaps, denunciations, invectives, assaults, complaints, vilifications, defamations, denigrations, and condemnations all written, hopefully, with wit and such precision that the average offended cultist or general unbeliever will say "YES!" when he or she hits the "send" button.
Think of the insults as you do greeting cards where you buy someone else’s thoughts to convey a particular emotion that describes perfectly what you want to say. There is no difference here. Pick the insult or insults you like and send it or them to me via email. This way, I’ll be able to take your insults a bit more seriously and with a greater appreciation. Heck, I might even email you back and say, "Well said."
The insults begin with the generic, mundane, and sublime and progress to the more abusive and acrimonious. Enjoy.
Just email a list of the numbers that you've selected. Thank you.
- Get a life you stupid jerk!
- You should be ashamed of yourself, dork-face! What a pathetic spaz!
- You have the I.Q. of dirt, and you are a moron, you piece of stupid slime!
- I know far more than you do and would be glad to show you where you are wrong, which is just about everywhere. Butt-head!
- Be prepared to be humbled as I systematically destroy your argumentation against my church which is the only truth in the world. You are so stuuuppiiiidddd and ignorant!!!
- You are such an inane moron that even my slobbering lazy dog could give better arguments than what you’ve carelessly slopped onto your idiotic website. Aren't you embarrassed to breathe?
- You ignominious, drooling fool. Where do you get off being so self-righteous? Who appointed you Tetrarch of Truth? What a complete and total example of subnormal intelligence!
- Ha! Are you kidding you jello-headed-simpleton? Have you only recently started to think like a human being? I think not! Your research is atrocious. Your logic is pathetic. Your conclusions are vulgar, and your character is only slightly better than a drunkard. Wait, I take that back. You have no character! You reek of banality and idiocy.
- You should call your web page, The Christian Lies and Slander Ministry. I’ve never seen anything so hateful, false, and convoluted. You are an arrogant person with nothing better to do than defame other people's sincere beliefs in their god(s). You should be ashamed of yourself you pathetic lump of sorrowful, human debris. You are a mentally retarded, obscene, pathetic loooserrrrr!!!!
- How pathetically sad you are, you moronic ignoramus. You have the mental agility of a glacier. You can’t think at all. You are a pitiful, mentally backward Neanderthal who suffers from a severe vitamin deficiency that has obviously retarded your intellectual development. What happened to you when you were a child? Were you dropped several times? Your spiritual acumen stinks. You are blind, hateful, and utterly despicable. You are a complete loser with no sense of self-worth who has nothing better to do than elevate his shameful little reason for existence by denigrating others of far greater value than yourself. It is obvious you are a ridiculous excuse for a human, you pitifully sad, miserable, oxygen wasting wretch of a soul. I pity you. You are less than snail excrement. You are leaking mental sludge. May your atoms dissolve. I pity you and fart in your general direction.
There, now don't you feel better?