When we ask, “What is love?” we are inquiring about one of the most important topics ever. Love is defined in many different ways from self-adoration (self-oriented) to an ongoing sacrifice (other-oriented). Love is what the world seeks. Christians talk about love as do atheists, children, philosophers, and poets. Love is found in movies, TV, books, radio, and even sports. We love our pets, our cars, our friends, our children, and our jobs. We want to be loved, and we hope we can love others better. We want to grow in love and experience its wonder and beauty. We even apply the word “love” to objects and concepts. I love science fiction, technology, my children, and my wife. We use the word love in countless different ways and contexts.

Biblically speaking, love is other-centered devotion that can be a decision.  Love has characteristics such as empathy, compassion, and kindness.  This is what Scripture says that love is.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).

This section of Scripture is so beautiful, that it is often quoted at weddings. It represents a wonderful description of love where a man and a woman promise to cherish one another, to be faithful to one another, and to care for one another through sickness and health. They are, in essence, making a public decision and commitment of love and to love.  Therefore, we see that love is both a noun and a verb.

Love is experienced in different ways and with different intensities. We feel love’s power as well as its gentle move.  Love is a deep form of affection. Love is synonymous with caring, kindness, empathy, endurance, intimacy, and devotion. Poets have written about love and movies have tried to portray it. But, it’s best known not through reading or watching. Love is best known through experience. And, as with so many of our experiences, we learn what true love really is when we encounter others, especially our family members.

Love is sacrificial

• John 13:15, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

The greatest act of love, according to Jesus, is to die for someone else. In this, we see the best manifestation of the purity, depth, and wonder that characterizes love. Now, this concept of dying for someone else is not foreign to us. I am a father, and I would die to save my children. But also, in one sense, I die daily as I serve them, clean up their messes, provide food for them, heal their wounds, exhibit patience, kindness, and a heartfelt desire to see them prosper. That is what love does. It expresses itself.

The Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8). Furthermore, the Bible says that Jesus is God in flesh (John 1:1, 14; Col. 2:9). Therefore, we can say that Jesus is the greatest expression of love.  He told us what the greatest act of love is (John 15:13).  Then he lived it by dying. Therefore we could say that true love is not hypocritical. True love lives what it professes.

Love is other-centered.  Love gives.

When we were children, so much of what we wanted was for our immediate satisfaction. We cried when we were unhappy, and we stopped crying when our needs were met. But as we grew, we matured, and we became more and more other-centered. We changed from seeking after ourselves to seeking after the welfare of others. This is a sign of adulthood. But, not only that. It is a sign of godliness.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His conly begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life,” (John 3:16).

So, we can see that one of the qualities of love is that it gives. In perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, John 3:16, we see that because God loved, he gave. He gave us his Son. This simple truth is also very profound. Love gives of itself for the betterment of others even when it costs the giver a great deal.

This is what happens to us when we grow in love. Our compassion and our empathy grow and we seek the well being of others. When someone grieves, we grieve with them. Love is manifested in our sympathy and our empathy. We don’t gain anything. Instead, we seek to help others and to ease their pain. Our love for them shows through our other-centered giving that seeks the welfare of others, even when it is inconvenient for ourselves.

Love your neighbor as yourself

“…you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD,” (Deut. 18:19).

We see in these words a way to love others. We know we take care of ourselves and seek after our own interests. So, God told us to love others even as we love ourselves. It is a quick and easy measuring stick. We seek her own safety, our own prosperity, our own health, our own emotional comfort, etc. Therefore, we ought to love others the same way as seek their safety, prosperity, health, and emotional comfort. This is the command of God to love others. It is something we need to practice. It is something we need to do. And, in living love, we help others. This naturally will change our hearts and move us not only further in our obedience to God, but also in fulfilling the command to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Love is a decision

A lot of people think that love is just something that happens to you. You see someone you’re attracted to, love kind of takes over, and you are swept along in its emotion. But, love is also a decision. We can decide to act in a loving manner to people. We can decide to love them. Now, lest you think that I am not serious. Let me disclose something to you. I’ll keep it brief.

Years ago my wife and I were having marital problems. As Christians, divorce was not an option. We had to work things out. So, we sought counseling. I remember telling the counselor, a biblical and godly man, that I did not love my wife anymore. She sat next to me as she heard me say these harsh words. The counselor leaned forward and asked me what love had to do with being married. I thought he was crazy. Then he changed my understanding of what love was. He asked me if God loves me because of my looks, my personality, or my attitudes. He reminded me of my failures before God in many areas, and yet God chose to love me. He was right. God chose to love me even though he knew all my faults.

The counselor then told me that I needed to abandon my immature notion of love. He told me I needed to love my wife biblically, because of the love of God in me, not because of how my wife was or even if she loved me. He was right. And at that moment I decided to love my wife biblically. I began to show her my commitment of love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and care.

Our marriage was saved. Now, I can honestly say I truly love her.

New Testament Love:  two main terms

In the New Testament, we find the sacrifice of Christ, the greatest act of love. This is generally referred to as agape love. But we also find another kind of love mentioned there: Phileo. It is brotherly love. So, in the New Testament, we find two Greek words used for our single English word for ‘love.’

1. Agape, ἀγάπη. It occurs 143 times in the New Testament (i.e., Matt. 5:43-46; Mark 10:21; 12:30-33; Luke 6:27, 32; 7:5; 10:27; John 3:19; 8:42:12:43; Rom. 8:28; 13:8; 1 Cor. 2:9; Gal. 2:20, etc.)
   1. This form of love is often said to be a divine love since it is found in John 3:16. But, it also means to esteem someone or something to a great extent, often with intensity.  Therefore, we can see that it is also used of the Pharisees who will loved their chief seats in the synagogues (Luke 11:43).
2. Phileo, φιλέω.  It occurs 25 times in the New Testament (John 5:20; 11:3, 36; 15:19; 16:27; 20:2; 21:15–17; 1 Cor. 16:22; Titus 3:15)
   1. This form of love is often associated with brotherly love. It is affection and fondness in a godly way.  It is used for friendship and good emotional attitude towards others.

Both kinds of love are what we are to exhibit as Christians.

Conclusion on “What is love?”

Though poets, philosophers, writers, movie producers, comedians, and teachers speak of love, none of them can match the example of love set out in Jesus. He exemplified love better than anyone in that he voluntarily laid down his life for us on the cross.  But not only that, in so doing he also bore our sins (1 Pet. 2:24), something we have no capacity to comprehend. Through the word of God, we see that such a great sacrifice is the basis for us for our love of others, considering them more important than ourselves, praying for their welfare, assisting them in their needs, and fulfilling the words of Scripture that says to love our neighbors as ourselves (Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39). True love is best understood through the revelation of God in the Bible. Therefore, we are first to love God (Deut. 6:5; Matt. 22:37) and in so doing fulfill the requirements and the beauty of what love really is.